Anyone who knows me knows that I am not one for romance. I don’t watch it, I don’t read it, and there’s very little of it in my personal life. In fact, I don’t really even think about it much at all. ‘
Everyone has a different idea of romance. To some, it’s all champagne and red roses, kissing in front of the Eiffel tower as fireworks go off in the background. For others, romance is synonymous with drama, with tragic stories and obstacles to overcome.
Some years ago, I came across a interesting novel: You, by Caroline Kepnes. You may know it as a popular psychological thriller series on Netflix. I came across the book long before it became a television series, and love it as a book – I can take or leave the show. Since it bloomed in popularity, I’ve read many an opinion by readers and viewers alike that claim that it’s what romance should be. That the protagonist is a romantic as he willing to do whatever it takes to be part of his “You’s” life, to do whatever necessary to keep them together – to the point of murder.
I may not know much about romance, but I know that isn’t it.
So, what do I consider to be romance? What do I consider to be romantic? I’ve never really thought about it before, if I’m being totally honest. It’s not something that’s ever really been part of my life. I have friends, and I have people I love, but not in the romantic sense. It’s just not something that I’ve bothered with. I don’t know much about romance at all, but what I do know is that it’s different for everyone. When I saw this prompt, I immediately thought of the five love languages:
- Words of affirmation
- Acts of service
- Receiving gifts
- Quality time, and
- Physical touch
Everyone’s love language is different, and some may have multiple. Someone who has a love language of quality time may not find a partner that showers them with gifts to be romantic to them, because to them, romance is about spending time together. Someone who values receiving little gifts from a partner, conversely, may not set much stock in sexual relations.
Romance, to me, depends on what one values the most. But a couple may value two very different things, so how do you bridge that gap? What is romance? What does it boil down to?
In my opinion, there are three things that I consider to be romantic.
First, communication. I don’t mean talking about every day things, but communicating about life’s big issues, about your wants and expectations. Hopes and dreams. What one wants and needs from a partnership.
That goes hand in hand with the next point: listening. There’s no point in communicating if you have a partner that’s not willing to listen to your wants, dreams, hopes and expectations. If you don’t have a partner that isn’t willing to listen to you when you communicate what you need, then that’s not a romantic relationship.
And that brings us to the third point: compromise. I used to have a friend who was adamant in her views about some things, and her boyfriend at the time had the complete opposite views. I remember telling her once that relationships are about compromise. She said to me, “what do you know? You don’t have a boyfriend.”
I may not know. And I am still perpetually single. However I do know that without compromise, finding a solution in the middle, is essential in any relationship. If you don’t, one person will end up resenting the other. And that’s the opposite of romantic. You may need to compromise on how you show you love, in the case of two different love languages. You may need to compromise on the location you live at, or on the things you want to do but can’t.
Not everyone will agree with me. To some, romance is all about the physical. But to me, it’s those three points. Because without that, there’s no connection, and it’s the connection between two people that I consider to be romantic.
Cover photo is credited as “Robot Romance.” by Matt_Briston and is marked with Public Domain Mark 1.0.
A note from the Cooper: You may have noticed that there have been no recent posts on technology on this website. This does not mean that I have given up, or forgotten about this site. I have been unwell the last week and have been unable to focus on much. Keep posted and subscribe to see more content soon!
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